This is the story of how we found out our son had more than just sensory processing challenges. Check out our previous blog entries about our journey up until this point.
Our son was doing so well in school since transitioning to the ESE VPK class at my school. We were so hopeful that he would continue to do well in the integrated class in the following year. We received the news that the VPK program would be moved to a different school in the area and would not longer be offered at our school. We were devastated. I looked into moving him with his teacher, but the school they were moved to did not offer an after school program and that was something we had to have. We did a hardship to have him assigned to the next closest school with a VPK program and decided that we would keep him in the self contained class because he may struggle with the transition to a new school and moving him to a different kind of class would be even harder on him.
I do believe that matching a child with the correct teacher is imperative for success. I do believe that sometimes adults (myself included) can make situations worse or can make situations resolve based on how they react. I believe this may have played in some of the escalation of behaviors, but was not the cause of it at all. I will not speak about the teacher any further, because this is not about her. It is about how we helped our son through this year. This was the year that I realized that something was very wrong and we needed to figure out what it was. I wasn't convinced it was just sensory processing.
He struggled with the drop off every day during morning care. I would drop him off the latest time I possibly could. It was loud and it was disorganized in the cafeteria and it sent him into a meltdown and anxiety attack. He would become very upset and angry when I would leave. This separation anxiety progressively got worse as the year progressed. Eventually we worked to have his grandfather drop him off at school with his cousin, who was in fifth grade at the time. This helped with the transition by eliminating that loud space, but he still was in a space with a lot going on (the entrance to the school in the hallway). I have found that children who have SPD and are visual avoiders, may struggle with too much going on and it may send them into a meltdown, which can be seen as a tantrum or angry behavior. It becomes a fight or flight situation and he was fighting. He would either run or he would become really upset. There were several times I received a phone call from the principal saying he was hitting and that he was refusing to listen that morning. Now in retrospect and after doing an incredible amount of research, I realize he was visually overstimulated. If it was noisy, he was also overstimulated with sound. When he was told he was going to be in trouble, he also became upset, because he was trying to bring it in, but his brain was trying to come down from being overstimulated and could not. He was not choosing to misbehave. He would always know what he did after and be able to tell how to fix it, but in that moment he was not able to do so. This is how you find out what a trigger is to a response and then you work to avoid or rectify the situation so your child does not need to deal with overstimulation like that.
He was also showing impulsivity with not keeping his hands to himself. He was not sitting down when he was supposed to or staying where he should be and was very hyperactive. This was the first part of the year. It was pretty much the same as the years in the past. He struggled with naps as well. Then it progressed to anger and emotional regulation. He could not control his emotions when he became upset. He could not put how he was feeling into words and that made him more upset, which in turn would make him more angry. I was seeing a side of my child that I had never seen before and I was at a loss. I was starting to get phone calls two or three times a week from his teacher or the principal. He got three referrals for his impulsive and hyperactive behavior. Again, I tried everything I could. We had were doing so much at home, I tried therapy before school with heavy work, crash pad time, spinning, a calming consistent routine in the morning, positive rewards, negative consequences like losing privileges or toys. We took away his tablet and TV. Every time something happened at school, we addressed it at home.
We also saw struggles at home with him. Going to stores, running errands, and going out to eat were major feats for us and super stressful every time. I would just rather stay home because the meltdown and the struggles that we had were not worth going out or doing the errands. Maybe I stressed out more than I should have but the thought of everyone judging me as a mother when he would scream or touch everything in sight as too much for me. I was always trying to predict what would happen and panic when something did happen.
I am going to be open and honest with you. I feel like a terrible mother sharing my emotions, but I do not want other mothers to feel like they are the only ones feeling this way. It seemed like I was angry with him for embarrassing me at first. I was embarrassed that the he was misbehaving at school (regardless of the reason why he was misbehaving or having meltdowns). I hated that feeling and I did not want to have it anymore. I hated not being able to go out as a family like a typical family. I just wanted a time where we could go to the store without the added stress- just one time. I needed a change in perspective and after a little while I realized he is not giving me a hard time, he is having a hard time. No one knows our situation, where we have been and how far he had come since he was born. I should not be worried about the others around me because they do not matter in that moment. My son is what mattered in that moment. Once I changed my perspective it really helped our outings. I did a lot of research on things that we could do to help the sensory overload, looked at triggers, avoided those triggers or brought something to help in case we came across that trigger, and I did extensive research and reading into behavior disorders and discipline for children with SPD and ADHD. Reading that information from specialists really helped me to get into his brain to try to find out what is going on. He was not able to communicate it with me and I had to find out.
It was around December when I finally got him into see a psychiatrist. The mental health support for children is almost non existent in our area, which is super upsetting for parents and teachers. They diagnosed him with severe combined ADHD (meaning it was inattentive,
hyperactive, and impulsive). They also said that he had separation anxiety in a follow up appointment in March. So when he was not sitting down or being impulsive, it is not to be "bad." He was not able to control his body. Now that I look back at it, I can see the moments he is about to lose it with his hyperactivity. He looks at me like, "help me mom! I can't help it!" After it is done, he knows what he has done and what rules he broke, but in the moment he does not think about the rule and what he breaks. All of this made complete sense now! That is when we started on our ADHD journey and were able to help him better!!
We started him with behavioral therapy in January and have had him in it ever since. He had done very well with the psychologist.
Check out our next post that will detail what ADHD is and the different kinds that can be diagnosed.
Comments